He’s been visiting her gravesite
for nearly ten years.

He often talks to her, as if
she were able to hear him

through her tombstone or from
under the ground.

Much to his sorrow, he never
gets even a hint

that from beyond her grave
she hears him.

Nor has he ever seen her in
any of his desolate dreams.

He worries that maybe
she’s just dead in that ground

instead of in some afterlife
waiting for him when he dies.

Tears still fall often from his
forlorn eyes.

Bob Boyd

He calmly watched her walk out of his life,
no begging, no attempts to change her mind.

She was disappointed; she expected some
resistance to her leaving.

Though she had been with him for seven years,
she didn’t know him well enough

to know it was easy for him to let go when
a woman decided to leave him

or when he decided to leave her, and unknown
to her, in his mind he had left her long ago.

Bob Boyd

She said she left America,
called it a Fascist state.
Now she lives in a prison
in Britain
for what she posted
on social media there,
just like over a thousand others.

Bob Boyd

I wouldn’t choose heaven.
I wouldn’t choose cosmic consciousness.
I wouldn’t choose oneness with God.
I choose being in a paradise living
happily ever after with the perfect
soulmate for me.

Granted, that’s silly and shortsighted,
but it appeals to the romantic in me
and seems like the perfect fairy tale
forever.

Supposedly, if this kundalini energy
that has risen in me for over 50 years
reaches completion upon death,
and matures into cosmic consciousness,
I’ll be beyond my silly afterlife romantic
longings, forever in the Sat Chit Ananda,
Eternal Bliss Consciousness.

But, alas, thinking from my limited earthbound,
embodied level, I’d rather be in eternal bliss
with a soulmate … in love forever.

Bob Boyd

Li Po wrote great poetry
he also drank a lot of wine
often getting intoxicated
how he managed to write
such great poems while
drinking so much wine
is puzzling to me
sadly he died drunk
fell off a boat and drowned.

Bob Boyd

At age 8, he saw a documentary about chimpanzees
and became so obsessed with them

that he studied them and when older often visited them
in zoos, watching them for hours.

As a student in college, he took courses that would enable
him to work with chimpanzees for a career.

For part of his coursework, he worked at Chimp Eden in
South Africa and excelled in his work there.

Serving as a tour guide at Chimp Eden, he saw a rock in
the chimp enclosure that could be hurled at visitors.

He slipped into the enclosure to remove the rock, turned his
back to exit the enclosure, and two chimps attacked him.

They bit off his nose, ears, parts of his face and scalp,
parts of his legs, and some of his fingers.

Thanks to part attendants, who scared off the chimps, he
wasn’t killed by them, though badly mained and near death.

Doctors managed to put him back together, prosthetics,
lots of plastic surgery and rehab.

He never worked with chimpanzees after that but started
a foundation for victims of trauma.

Tragic and sad the chimpanzees he loved and studied for
all of his life mauled, maimed, and nearly killed him.

Bob Boyd

Here in Greensboro, NC today on March 17th the weather is
29 degrees, cold like in February.

Last week for a day or two it was 70 degrees.

Supposedly, by Sunday it will be 77 degrees.

Why can’t March’s weather be more stable?

I hate these extremes; it’s hard to know how
to dress when you go out.

One day a summer shirt, next day a winter coat.

One day you’re a comfortable warm, next day a
too chilly cold.

It’s as if the month of March has become
like a person with mood swings, running hot and cold.

Come quick April with your showers but with warmer
more stable weather.

I’m tired of March’s fickle instabilities.

Bob Boyd

I’ve been seeing women in dreams lately,
reminds me of when I had cancer and saw
women in dreams all the time.
Maybe they are like something angelic
kind of looking out for me.
Or, maybe, lol, I’m just lonely.
I do wonder if these women are real,
if somehow my dreams enter into theirs
or theirs into mine.
Some people claim when we dream,
we are astral traveling.
Am I meeting women on the astral plane?
I don’t believe dreams are astral travels.
More likely they are just dreams and
nothing more.
And maybe women manifesting in my
dreams really are signs I am missing
a woman in my reclusive life.
At least those dreams are not nightmares.

Bob Boyd

In a YouTube video about men no longer pursuing women,
I saw a woman saying men weren’t persistent enough

about chasing women after the first “I’m not interested
in you.”

What ever happened to no means no?

What ever happened to not being a pest?

Besides, some men like me have too much self pride
to humiliate themselves by essentially begging.

And, honestly, what self-respecting man wants to be
with a woman who doesn’t want to be with him?

I’m glad I’m no longer in the world of pursuing women,
of potentially dealing with games and drama.

There are myriad advantages of being solo and free.

Bob Boyd

If you saw Robot Origin F1, like I have, you would be amazed
at how she looks exactly like a beautiful human woman.

The head, the face, the eyes, the skin – identical and better
looking than most human women.

And she looks at you and talks to you just like a human
woman because she has an AI brain.

But there is a weird downside:

Her body, what there is of it, is a bust mannequin,
the kind that is shaped sort of like a V that is used to
display necklaces on.

To me, despite her beautiful looks, seeing her as essentially
just a head on a bust mannequin

creeps me out, like seeing a bodiless head looking at you
and talking to you.

Bob Boyd

she was sick and tired of this world.
Though I believe in the divinity of Christ,
and don’t share all her beliefs –
satan and hell –
I can relate to when she also said
this world is a mess.
Look around you.
Evil and suffering everywhere.
Women raped and murdered.
Children sexually abused,
even by some female teachers
nowadays.
Children sex trafficked and even
murdered.
I could easily go on.
So I can understand that woman
being sick and tired of this world.
I’m not sick and tired of it, but
I am disappointed with all the
suffering and evil in it.

Bob Boyd

An elderly woman told me
she had been dating an incubus
in dreams for a year.

I found that incredulous because
an incubus is considered a
dangerous demon

who seduces women and
drains the life out of them
until they are dead.

A month later the elderly
woman claimed she had
married the incubus.

A week after that she
died in her bed with a
smile on her face

instead of a look of
horror that I would have
expected.

I think she might have
mistook something angelic
for a demonic incubus,

or maybe old age had
played tricks on her
dreaming mind.

Bob Boyd

If they had replicants as human like as in Blade Runner,
at this point in my life I’d prefer one of those
to a human girlfriend.

I’ve had more than my share of human women
as girlfriends and wives but never a love of my life,
never one I’d consider a bona fide soulmate.

And maybe all of the love and the romance is only
for birthing more babies to advance the human species,
just as it is for insects, fish, birds and animals.
And perhaps romantic love doesn’t endure in the afterlife.

If that is so, which I suspect it is, a replicant designed to
be an equal partner, not a submissive slave, would be as
good or better than a human female for romance and for love,
since romance and love seem only temporary anyway.

Bob Boyd

In rare cases
babies are born
with cancer

not even having
lived a day of life

and though most
of these babies
survive

tragically some
of them die.

Bob Boyd

a mongoose breaks a stork-like bird’s egg
furious, the bird flies after the mongoose
follows it to the ground kicking it
but it is with twelve or more others
the bird tries to attack all of them
because there are too many of them
the bird starts running out of energy
gets swarmed and taken down
a horrible site to see that big bird
murdered by the relentless swarm

bob boyd

Saw a YouTube video with
a sparrowhawk pinning a pigeon
to the ground with its talons.

Two magpies were hassling the
sparrowhawk, maybe in an attempt
to rescue the captive pigeon.

Their efforts were in vain.
The sparrowhawk kept the trembling
pigeon trapped in its talons.

It pecked the poor pigeon to death.
Nothing but a pile of fluffy feathers
and scattered body parts left.

I found that enormously disturbing, a
gentle pigeon hacked to death by
a vicious predator’s beak.

And I wished I could have saved
that doomed, gentle pigeon.

Bob Boyd

I was impactful in my work
for a nonprofit.
Made a small difference in
the lives of many and even
in the lives of some coworkers.

I was generous, gave many
coworkers gifts without
wanting any gifts in return.
Giving was like a spiritual
path to me, receiving was
not.
I wasn’t a receiver.

I was kind and got along
well with my coworkers,
often bringing laughter to
many with my sense of
humor.

After I retired, I thought
I’d hear from some of
my former coworkers.
None bothered.
None cared.
I found that realization
enlightening and
empowering.

Bob Boyd

From a comment related to a
YouTube video about being alone:

@attractivemonkey101
3 weeks ago
It’s not that nobody cares in a cruel way, it’s that everyone is busy being the main character in their own chaos. And once you accept that, you stop living for applause that was never coming. The scary part is you’re alone but the powerful part is you’re free.

You come into this life alone.
You make the major decisions
in your life alone; no matter the
influences, you make the final
decision alone.
Even if you are surrounded by
people, you are still essentially
alone.
Ultimately, you go out of this world
alone.

Bob Boyd

In a way I admire the Jains, the Hindus who try not to harm
any living creatures.

I wish all living creatures could be like that instead of killing
and eating other living creatures,

instead of the carnage all over this world and even in
the cosmos.

I often wonder if there’s a God of Love, why did that God
create a world with so much killing in it?

Bob Boyd

An Old Woman Just Waiting to Die

An 83-year-old woman said she was just waiting to die.

As an old man a little younger than her, I can understand her feeling that way.

She’s probably all alone with no significant other and maybe no longer has any friends.

Her significant other, if she had one—like a husband—probably died some time ago.

And her life is no longer filled with much fun, and maybe she has health problems

that are slowly killing her. Knowing that those health problems will possibly cause suffering

as she grows older, death could seem preferable to the quality of her life diminishing unbearably.

Bob Boyd