I’m talking a hike in a nearby forest,
minding my own business, per usual.
The entire forest goes silent, no birds
squawking, no insects making a racket.
I know from reading fake stories about
monsters this silence means one of them
has entered the forest; I know it’s supposed
to mean danger and horror has arrived.
The fake stories about monsters were
halfway right.
When my ex-girlfriend appeared, looking
evil as hell, kinda like a monster as well.
Believe me, no monsters had anything
on her, terrifying as she looked.
Because I always thought she was possessed,
I made sure I armed myself with a cross and holy water.
When she charged me with fingernails brandished
as long as knives and screeching like a bona fide demon,
I held my cross in front of her face and doused her
with holy water as a back up.
She screamed loud enough to break the sound barrier,
her face looked like a demon’s.
She flew out of the forest screaming and swearing,
and she never bothered me again.
Bob Boyd