Like a Biblical quote about young men having
visions and old men having dreams
I’m an old man who has a lot of dreams,
figuratively and literally

for example, I had a dream, as in an imagining,
that maybe I could be with an ex wife in the afterlife
and unlike with the marriage on earth
everything would work out right

the perfect harmony, the everlasting love
despite our being incompatible in this earthly existence

her being too much of an extrovert
me being more of an introvert
me being of a deep, spiritual/philosophical nature
her unable to relate to any of that

and besides we’d still probably be incompatible
not right for each other even in the afterlife

then I thought about how in the afterlife
there may be no romantic love
all unconditional love beyond
the I’ll love you if you love me

that thought saddens me a bit
maybe I’m too much a romantic
but I’d like to see romantic love endure forever.

Bob Boyd

Yesterday, I thought about death closing in
ordinarily I have no fears, no regrets
with no one on earth to grieve for me

which I’m kind of glad about
I don’t want to bring any sadness
when I pass away on any day
despite feeling young and quite well

but, unexpectedly, when I thought of my death
I felt a tinge of sadness
despite being alone, I felt some attachment
to my now reclusive existence

an existence where each day brings
the possibility of more age-related health problems
the reality of the body and the mind breaking down
like an old machine of months over eighty years

the gears worn down, the mechanics outdated
the machine no longer fixable, the machine dead.

Bob Boyd

Last night I had a dream quite pleasant
though some of it a bit indistinct
pleasant conversation with a lovely woman
she looked like Marlene Dietrich to me

I’m living in some kind of community
that also provides help to people
two female employers are going
to hire me for a human services job
the feelings are quite positive
quite cheerful with the two women
asking me what I’d like to do

the conversation shifts to small talk
I tell one of them about the lovely woman
who looks like Marlene Dietrich to me
I think with the hope of securing favor
when the lovely woman learns what I said

before the dream ends I’m about to
walk into an apartment where I live
I see the Marlene Dietrich woman
in a classroom across the way
she’s smiling at me, an inviting smile
I’m smiling back at her and thinking
how she’s a beautiful young woman
and though enamored, I realize
I’m an old man far too old for her
I wake up realizing I was right,
realizing I wanted to be with the young woman
and it was a foolish old man’s impossible dream.

Bob Boyd

She was so beautiful she seemed like
a mythical creature
she was so uncommonly nice she
seemed like an angel
but when she got angry
she seemed like a demon
and in one of her demonic
rages
she picked up a kitchen knife
and stabbed her mother to death.

Bob Boyd

She came to work at the department store I worked in
funny, pretty, a nice woman, we had a great rapport
her flirtations increased, and I was a bit enamored
but something undefinable keep me from asking her out
on the day I was about to ignore the undefinable
she didn’t show up for work and never returned
she had been fired for stealing women’s clothes
though surprised such a nice woman was a thief
I was grateful I didn’t give her a chance to steal my heart.

Bob Boyd

At 1:00 AM you might see her
walking by the railroad tracks
on main street, maybe in
the city you live in

the little old ghost lady
who is always dressed in
black and glows in the dark

if she sees you looking at her
or hears you speaking to her
she vanishes into the ether

the locals say every night she
roams the tracks looking for
her husband who died on the
tracks while drunk in 1973.

Bob Boyd

Superficial
temporary
not really
there for you

eventually
gone
like the changing
weather

most you cannot
get too attached to

in your life
only for a moment

if you’re lucky
you might have
a permanent one

perhaps to some
degree
in some way
we’re all like

fair weather friends.

Bob Boyd

The older I grow
the less of my past I remember
ages 5 though 12 seem
almost nonexistent
12 through 20 almost the same
20 through 50 some memories
stand out
I’d have to really focus to try
to remember more
the achievements I had in my work
for 20 years before I retired
are mostly fading away too
the older I get
the more it seems
my life was like a dream.

Bob Boyd

She hears her name being called out of the woods
behind her house

but nobody’s there

she posts about it on her YouTube channel
some people commenting about the voice calling her
say they’ve experienced the same

heartfelt remedies are suggested:

don’t answer the voice
keep your dogs inside
invoke the name of Jesus
call on angels,
pray, pray, pray, etc

by some commenters, she’s told the voice
is from a mimic
a malevolent spirit that
dwells in forests

a few others chime in
posting the same

the comments read like folklore
and superstition

but who knows for sure?
there might be real unseen entities
we have no knowledge of
except in seemingly fake folklore stories.

Bob Boyd

Indicted by a madman
didn’t like their nationality
wanted them rooted out
of his master race
conned a nation
into hating them
aiding him in
putting six million
of them to death
a field day
for dark forces
a blight upon
humankind
for the jews
a holocaust.

Bob Boyd

When George met Gwenda,
he felt blessed beyond belief
everything in common, Gwenda hot as hell
they marred a year later, nuptial bliss
the happiest day of George’s life
three years later constant arguments
everyday more and more stress
everyday more and more torments
Gwenda always bringing drama
her love seemed more like hate
George’s life filled with misery
constant turmoil, strained emotions
George diagnosed with high blood pressure
the initial “blessed beyond belief” became
like cursed beyond belief when Jeff
died of a massive heart attack.

Bob Boyd

Marilyn’s husband Ferdinand was a ventriloquist
his dummy’s name was Alex

Marilyn hated that goddamn dummy
she felt Ferdinand loved it more than her

he talked to it as if if were real
spent more time with it than with her

exasperated, fed up, Marilyn went a little crazy
and while Ferdinand was getting a haircut

with a kitchen knife, she cut that dummy to pieces
Ferdinand passed out in the barbershop and bled to death.

Bob Boyd

Some people who have been temporarily dead
and revived

claim they saw dead relatives while clinically dead

if what they say they saw is correct

God, spare me from seeing relatives I don’t want to see when dead

that would be close to the hell I don’t believe in

but maybe annoying people become endearing when dead

like old people who supposedly become wiser and nicer

but since I know not all old people become that way

maybe when dead, annoying is still annoying

so, God, please give me a sanitized afterlife minus annoying relatives and people I didn’t like in this life

spare me from what would be like the hell I don’t believe in.

Bob Boyd

Often I read of unsolved crimes
many about young women murdered

by human monsters who escape punishment
have seen too many of these cases

all over YouTube and the news
I’ve often wondered why we

have to have so much evil in this world
and so much seemingly unpunished evil

and so many soulless, heinous monsters
though I don’t believe in eternal damnation

I do believe in an afterlife reckoning
personally, I’d like that reckoning

to be the monsters experiencing the
horrors they inflicted on their victims

after which, the evil in them got deleted
if that would even be possible

if not, maybe some are just fated to be
evil souls and nothing more

just as there’s so much unfairness in this life
like babies born with terminal diseases.

Bob Boyd

They rule their worlds
live their bright lives
under many suns
under many moons
as if they are
forever, immortals
making history
legacies that will
last forever
end never
until they all die
and most
are forgotten
eventually
with years
centuries
millennia
all forgotten
ended by the
impermanence.

Bob Boyd

I’m liking the young ASMR lady
probably not in the way you might think
I’m too old to be thinking about her
other than objectively, realistically
she has long dark brown hair
about six inches beneath her shoulders
bangs just above her eyebrows
sufficiently pretty light, brown eyes

she starts off her ASMR session
by lighting a candle and moving it
back and forth in front of the viewers
I get a little buzzed looking at the flame
like I did when once I was initiated
into a spiritual path with a fire ceremony
got high looking into the flickering flames
that maybe the god Agni was hidden in

she then lights some sage and waves
it back and forth as if it’s a purification
despite not being about sage and such
I find myself liking what she’s doing
I find myself getting quite relaxed

she reaches toward me and grabs
what must be “the negative attachment”
out of me like a cord and cuts it with scissors
I’ve seen this before; I think it’s a Reiki thing
I don’t know if it actually works or if
I have any negative attachments in me
but I’m liking the cutting and the sounds
of the scissors cutting, snip, snip snip
I’m liking the graceful way she moves her hands
and her somber, clinical manner as she ASMRs
like a dedicated medical practitioner

she ends the session with the sage and
the mesmerizing moving candle
she smiles and folds her hands in prayer
signs off, and I’m so relaxed and impressed
that I subscribe to her YouTube channel
for more of her ASMR Reiki enchantments.

Bob Boyd

Sitting here getting older
sitting here closer to dying
after eight decades of living
amid the wreckage of aging
I’m looking at the cobra endlers
swimming merrily in my fish tank
as if without an earthly care
except for getting fed their
Aqueon fish flake food

I’m thinking they probably
are having a better life than me
no worries, no loneliness, no cares
no infirmities, no doctor appointments
no threats of many age-related
medical conditions or falls

sure they have the disadvantage
of short lives – 3 to 5 years
but living a longer life isn’t
always great when your body
unexpectedly begins breaking down
or, worse, if you lose your mind
to Alzheimer’s or a dementia

and maybe those 3 to 5 years
for those endlers are like 60 to 90
for aging out humans like me.

Bob Boyd

Heard today that 77 percent
of marriages fail
so if you get married
only 23 percent is your chance
of the nuptials lasting
sometimes I feel I’d like
to find love again
but with 77 percent
of things going awry
if you get married
probably higher if
you don’t get married
it’s no wonder I don’t try
it’s no wonder I don’t go looking
for a 23 percent chance of
a love that lasts instead of
a love that disappoints,
and, at the least,
breaks your hopeful heart.

Bob Boyd

I’ve read the stories about people dying alone with a cat
and the cat beginning to feast on the corpse

as disturbing as those stories are, a cat or cats will
feast on your body after you die rather than starve

I find the thought of that gruesome, and if I had a cat
that would happen to me

I live alone and have no contact with others, so were I to
die, it could take days or weeks before anyone found me

and the beloved pet cat would begin to feast on me –
all it could do to survive

were I aware of things happening on earth after I died
I’d have no hard feelings against the cat

but the thought of a cat eating me after I died is a bit
too macabre for me

which is one of the reasons I don’t have a pet cat
and have tropical fish instead

far as I know, 🙂 they won’t eat me when I die.

Bob Boyd

I remember asking my parents if I could have a pony
when I was a kid

like some other kids had
and being told they couldn’t afford to buy one for me

unaware of the haves and the have nots in this world
I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have a pony back then

so out of desperation, I prayed to God for one
thinking at least he’d come through for me

but even God wouldn’t give me a pony
dejected, I gave up on having a pony

and praying to God for stuff.

Bob Boyd